My head is hurting again./Take cover?/No, no, I am fine/There’s a catch in my throat/Just clear

it, you’re fine/Why am I suddenly so aware of my legs/Yet, I cannot feel them/*flash*/No, no, go

away/*flash*/Stop it/*flash-you see its face*/I feel their hand touch my back you I flinch /No, no I am fine /Maybe if I relax/*flash- I hear their voices and their words like knives*/Headache

increases/ Internal screaming /Breathing intensifies /How did I get on the floor?/Why can I see

them in my room /How did you get here?/Please don’t hurt me /Hyperventilation /Panicked

breath /Panicked thoughts /Racing heart/weakness/ legs immobile/ urge to feel – punches wall/

hand hurts – keeps going/ screams/ get out of my head/ I am ok, you’re not here/ I am not ok

and they are here/ in my mind/ stop breathing/ lay in silence/ how long/ chokes/ resume panic/

resume terror/ break free of any grasp that holds me/ even if they are trying to help/ because I

don’t know intentions/ even if I really do know/ what if they are lying to me/ what if they are

there to hurt me/ they’re there to hurt me/ escape/ but what I need is restraint/ hold me against

my thrashing/ hold me against my screaming/ tightness strangely comforting/breathing slows/

thoughts resume/breathing quickens/grasp tightens/breath 2-3, in 2-3/body eases/body slumps

in hands/thoughts manageable now/ how long as it been/minutes/hours/ whose with me/oh, you,

thank you/I’m sorry/I’m sorry/I’m sorry/embarrassment ensues/ embarrassed for what/ reacting

to your body warning you of danger/ even though the only danger was your mind/maybe I

should sleep/ maybe I should medicate/ I don’t know what I need/ but i'll fake it/ till the

nightmares resume/ but until them/ I’m sorry I put you through that/ I’m sorry to the helper, not

myself.